Troll 2

MOVIE REVIEW OF TROLL 2 (1990) - PG-13

Cast
Director	Claudio Fragasso	Runtime: 1hr.35min.(95min.)
Joshua Waits	.....	Michael Stephenson
MIchael Waits	.....	George Hardy
Diana Waits	.....	Margo Prey
Holly Waits	.....	Connie McFarland
Grandpa Seth	.....	Robert Ormsby
Creedence Leonore Gielgud	.....	Deborah Reed
Elliott Cooper	.....	Jason Wright
Arnold	.....	Darren Ewing
Drew	.....	Jason Steadman
Brent	.....	David McConnell
Sheriff Gene Freak	.....	Gary Carlson
Bells	.....	MIke Hamill
Drugstore Owner	.....	Don Packard
Cindy	.....	Christina Reynolds
Peter	.....	Glen Gerner
Wook Tales Girl	.....	Michelle Abrams
Mr. Presents	.....	Lance C. Williams
Mrs. Presents	.....	Elli Case
Presents Son	.....	Gavin Reed
Presents Daughter	.....	Melissa Bridge
Goblin #1	.....	Patrick Gibbs
Goblin #2	.....	Paul Gibbs
Man	.....	Hermann Weisskopf

PLOT SUMMARY

Officially known on the internet as The Best Worst Movie Ever Made.I do not usually deal in absolutes, but I don't as of yet recall a worse movie.

The movie starts with the Waits family preparing to take a vacation, or more of a house swap if you will, with the Presents family from the one-cow county of vegetarians called Niblog (Goblin spelled backwards...not exactly original). The people of this mysterious town all have the distinguishing mark of a cloverleaf-shaped mole on their bodies.

The son, Joshua, is maybe 8 years old and sees his dead grandfather who warns him to keep his family away from this little evil town. Of course, the Waits think he is crazy. When they arrive, the Presents have set out a spread for them, but Grandpa Seth tells Joshua that he must not let them eat a single bite. Seth tells Joshua that he has 30 seconds (while he stops time) to stop them from eating the food. I timed this, and Joshua circles the table for a good minute plus before doing anything. His final solution...pee on the table and all the food! Very creative?!

In the meantime, the daughter (Holly) has her boyfriend and his three buddies tailing them in an RV because they think this town is filled with hot available girls. They become targets of the town's goblins as well. I won't tell you if they survive or not.

TECH INSPECTION

Alright, for one thing, this movie doesn't have one single troll in it. They're all goblins. Okay, strike one. The thing that sticks out most in my opinion is the awful dialogue and the even worse delivery of said dialogue. The actors enunciate way too much for a movie. It often reminds me more of a really bad stage play. And I know a really bad stage play...I've been in them! None of the actors are professionals. In fact, I believe the father is really a small town dentist in real life! The boy (Joshua), the father (Michael), and the reverend are not too bad as actors, but I wouldn't suggest they take it up full time. To assign the task of pinpointing the worst actor would not be fair. But if you threatened to eat me I would have to choose the mother (Diana).

About 20 minutes left in the movie...ah, we finally find out that someone must destroy some magic stone that gives the goblins their power. And then...well, I had to suffer through this thing (twice) in order to find out what happens. You should have to do the same!

Something I just find stupid comes at a party the town throws for the Waits family. Their idea of lyrics for a hoedown song amounts to na na na na na na na na na na etc...

The makeup for the goblins is less than mediocre. It is silly-looking at best and even looks off-the-rack for a costume store next to Wal-Mart. The gross effects are disgusting enough, but not at all scary. The actress who plays Creedence is way too into overacting. Her character is remindful of a really bad Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Rocky Horror Picture Show). She's a strange and creepy (not necessarily in that order)woman who controls the goblins and tries to turn outsiders into plants for the goblins to eat. I am surprised to see this movie spending the money for modern technology. I would expect to be watching this on 35mm film stock. Some of the scary stuff is all but just silly. For instance...seductive popcorn...on the cob? Really?

I do have one thing to say that is not bad about this movie. The soundtrack is actually quite good.

QUOTES
Finally, a short list of quotes I think are worth repeating. You may recognize some, but these are my own picks, not ones that are particularly famous:

• Joshua is not a little shit. He's just a little sensitive.~Diana Waits
• It's special milk...high in vitamin content.~Drugstore Owner
• Please, let's talk. We're all humans here.~Elliott Cooper
• Get away, monster.~Elliott Cooper

And my personal favorite...

• A double-decker bologna sandwich!~Joshua

Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
This movie earned this single meow only by using modern-day movie technology and having a decent soundtrack
¹/₁₀

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