Repulsively happy people

     I hate it when I'm in a bad mood. But what I hate even worse is when someone tries to cheer me up. When I'm in a bad mood, there's usually a good reason why. Either someone has really ticked my last tock, or I have just been too damn cheery for way too long and I feel like a little respite for awhile from all the good times. Please don't try to change that. It's bad enough that I am in a bad mood in the first place; now I've got people trying to tell me what to do!

     "Hey Jack!" they'll say, as they vomit sunshine through their cakehole, "cheer up, buddy. There's no need for being in the dumps!" Or as a certain iconic movie made disgustingly popular..."Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays!" I guess there is a chance that these people have just decided that they have been way too attractive for way too long, and that plastic surgery is not the way to go. In that case, I suppose they would be able to cheer me up by providing me with the opportunity to rearrange their facial features to better accommodate my current state of mind. To see oneself in others is a gift. Especially if that physical manifestation of mood involves eyes below mustache.

     Another way some think I might regain some joyous way of life for a time is to entice me to engage in some activity that will cause me to forget that I am in a bad mood. WRONG! In one instance in the not-so-distant past, someone tried to break me free of my mal-content by offering to take part in a Michael Jackson emulation to one of MJ's videos. First of all, he obviously hadn't taken notice that Michael Jackson's forte is dancing, an activity that at the moment just isn't in the cards for me (for those of you who might not be aware, I just recently had a double leg amputation), thus, causing me to relive one of my less celebratory conditions. Second, this person was asking me to remember that one of my favorite entertainers is now dead. Thanks for the lift...I'll go eat some glass and acid (not the happy kind) now.

     Forgive me for being an Eeyore, but I also dislike it when people around me are happy and smiling when I am feeling mean and despicable. I believe the phrase is "misery loves company." Which is a misnomer in itself, because misery, by definition, doesn't love anything. But that's another post. Anyway, if there's one thing (and I assure you there are plenty more than one) that annoys me beyond all reasonable comprehension, is seeing others around me who are in a better mood than I am. Go ahead and ask why...I'll wait while you get it out of your system...Oh, I'm not going to answer you. I also hate rhetorical or useless questions. Again...another post altogether.

     Finally, I think it only fair that I give you the opportunity to avoid having to ever deal with me and my odd style of emotional train wrecks. I can offer you a few examples in the form of a category that might be seen on the $50,000 pyramid..."things that make Jack irritated." Now, of course, for my close friends and relatives, there is no need for a tutorial, you all just know to just leave me alone until I ask you to give me your opinion...then keep it to yourself. But for the rest of you, here are some specific examples to give you an idea of what might do you well to avoid when you see me coming...

Bad grammar

The internet (or as it used to be called the "information superhighway"...much more cool) has made us extremely stupid in that not only do we rely way too much on devices such as SpellCheck (which is sure to be a trademark infringement), which a lot of times will let us pass over the fact that we have written a college paper that references the Panama Anal. Don't laugh...that's a true story!

Permission to question

I do understand that it is polite to ask if it is alright to ask someone a personal question. But when someone says, "Can I ask you a question?" it is just a waste of time...or a literary device...more often than not, the former. First of all, to ask if you can ask a question, is a question in itself, therefore rendering the inquiry moot at that point. For you have already violated that person's wishes (given that an objection would have been made) by asking a question without permission. BTW...if you are really that anal, then maybe you ought to use SpellCheck™ on your brain.

TMI (too much information)

I don't have a whole lot of room to talk on this one. In fact, I don't have any room to talk, since I'm not actually talking to you. I am guilty, nevertheless, of one of my own irritants. I don't see the point of Twitter®. I do not care to be advised of the condition of your bowel movement or when and where it occurred. I also don't care where you are stuck or what part of your anatomy is currently in peril as a result of your stupidity. Granted, this is not limited to electronic media. People who talk too much are just as bad, or even worse because they have no "delete button."

     Don't be surprised if each of these becomes the focus of a blog post yet to come

     I do believe I am bordering on the violation of my last listed peeve, so I will start work on my next blog entry, which I hope you will find more entertaining than irritating. As always, feel free to comment to let me know that my literary efforts are not wasted. Let me know also if you would be interested to see here a short story or two or three once in awhile. Becoming a follower to this blog would also make me happy...for real! I think there is a link to the left._↵Thanks for reading!