Somebody is Watching

You might consider this post to be called Wedgie Help 2. It just seemed like such a yummy topic (not literally, of course). I couldn't let it go just the way it is. So I'll expand it to here, and maybe a third edition if all goes smooth. And here we go...

You would gain 14 years back if you cut out all the things you do that you shouldn't, or wish you wouldn't do when people are watching you. And as I have said to my breath's exhaustion...somebody is always watching!!! I actually just made up that statistic, but I'll bet it's pretty close to the truth. My first example of something you shouldn't do is researching the statistic that tells the number of years you waste doing the activities that follow in this post.

I love to people-watch. One of my favorite places to people-watch is the mall. But even better than that, although a little more difficult, is the car. I don't understand what it is about being in your car that makes you think you are in private. Just look beside you (in the car next to you. You can't tell me you didn't realize that woman was there. That woman who has been waiting at the same stop light that you have been sitting at for the last minute, watching you through the window singing You make me feel like a natural woman... When you finally look over, what do you do? Do you put your hand up to your ear and act like you are just talking into your Bluetooth™ earpiece? Or do you look down into the passenger's seat and pretend you are speaking to a midget who can't be seen above the solid door frame? Or do you just smile and wave and hope that that stupid light changes before you have to rudely look away?

Don't pick your nose. This advise comes from Wedgie Help. And it could probably and will be included in any subsequent editions. Don't pick your nose in public. For one thing, it's disgusting anywhere, public or private. So at least choose the lesser of two evils. And don't think you can hide it. In a car, you can't exactly look away without jeopardizing everyone on the road including yourself. Besides, what do you do with the result? You don't usually have a tissue at hand when you are driving. Unless, of course, you had this planned before you left wherever you were. In which case you should've taken care of this business altogether before getting in the car.

Talking on your phone. It's not cool...it's stupid and everybody knows it. That's all about that.

Eating a meal. And I'm not talking about a pile of McNuggets that you have stashed on the passenger's seat. I mean a burger, fries, and a large orange drink. Don't forget the hot apple pie! I realize you've probably spent hours in your driveway or automobile simulator practicing this technique, but you are not going to look the same when you stop the car. If you're wearing a tie, it's a different color now. If you've got a dress on, it's no longer a light blue...it's a print by Andy Warhol. It would be really funny if you had to stop quick and got ketchup splattered all over the windshield. Grab your head and get an agonizing look on your face. Look over to the guy in the car beside you to see what kind of panic you have just introduced into this person's day!

And under no circumstance should you eat a meal and pick your nose (or any other bodily orifice) together. You might just get confused and screw things up on so many levels!

Putting on makeup. First of all, I have to admit there are those who have gotten this down to a science. But why is it illegal to drive with a cell phone to your ear, but it's perfectly fine to apply grease to your face while on the road? I don't advocate either one. Please just don't make me so nervous by doing this.

Finally, I know you need to know where you are going, but don't try to figure it out after you leave and are on the road. The streets are not the place to read a road map. PULL OVER!! Or here's an idea...buy one of those cardboard folding window shields. Print your map on the part facing the inside of the car. Put it up on your front windshield and there you are...at least you can keep both hands on the wheel! I don't think anyone will notice. 'Cause certainly no one would pay attention to that, right?

Thanks for Visiting!!!