I am going to admit right off the bat that this post attacks people that do things that I am also guilty of doing. So knock it if you must, because I certainly plan on it.
It all started at the elevator. I pushed the button, as was my privilege from being five years old. What would have happened if I had not been around will never be known. Nobody would have ever made it up to the 22nd floor to see my great-grandmother...ever. I always wondered if everyone else just had to use the stairs when I was not visiting to press the button!! However, today I feared something was fooling around with the natural order of the universe as we know it. I had pressed the button, but nothing was happening. Now I had understood for a long time that the elevator of discussion was notorious for being slack in the area of swiftness. But this was ridiculous. I was young, and still struggled to read a clock, but I know when something is taking an inordinate amount of time. And this was one of those instances. Had I lost my power? What had I done to offend the powers that be that would persuade them to deny me the power of the elevator button? I was not to be beaten that easily, though...I came up with the answer...
"Hit it again and again and again, stupid!!!" I said to myself. And that's exactly what I did. To no avail, though. Still, no elevator. Finally, another person in a nice business suit walked up beside me and my grandmother and, without a glance, pushed the button. As much as I was initially offended at the intrusion on my responsibilities, I guess the gesture was of good intentions. My first thought was, "Does this fellow think we haven't already done that? Does he think we are just standing here staring at the elevator doors trying to wish them open? Doesn't he realize who I am?" But then my next thought was, "I suppose we have been waiting here an awful long time. Maybe this guy has a power beyond mine. Besides, he is wearing a suit and tie...he must be important. We'll wait and see what he thinks of this situation."
What I saw next amazed me. He did exactly the same thing I had tried. He pushed the button again and again and again! Was this person of the same culture as me? Where did he acquire this technique? From what tribe did he learn the ways of the elevator-button-pusher? The even stranger part was this...THE DOORS OPENED!!! I was shocked and amazed, but partially disappointed as well. I thought that my powers were unique. Now I must humble myself to knowing that there are others with this talent/power other than me.
Of course now I am older and wiser. I realize that there are many people who have mastered this ancient technique. The multiple button-press. (Do not confuse this with the multiple-button press. That is the talent for pushing more than one button at a time. I am referring instead to the pushing of one button several times.)
I tell this story to exemplify and mock (naturally) this notion that is ingrained in all of us that the more we do something...anything...the more likely it is to happen. Apparently, an elevator button does not respond until it is pushed by a person who is educated in the ways of proper button pushing. This entails multiple pushes and, of course, pushing it just so...so that the proper circuits are activated...not just the ones that light up the button, but those that move the elevator as well.
If you think this behavior is unique to elevator button pushing, read on...
I found myself in the grocery store on a dreary dark day in September. I was in the baking aisle looking for my usual brand of raw, natural sugar. It was not there. Instead, I found myself staring at the back of the shelf where this product usually sits in abundance. I realized after about seven minutes that this sugar was obviously unlikely to appear. I had tried and failed to make my product of desire materialize. I also was amazed (and relieved) to learn that this was not an uncommon trait in the human race. We are obsessed with and convinced of the notion that we have the power to make our wishes come true simply by our presence and intense staring. I then started to notice this behavior in others at the store. Especially at the meat counter. These are the sneaky ones. These are the ones who try to give the impression that they are perusing the variety of choices in search of the one that best fits their needs. I am privy to the fact, nevertheless, that they know exactly what they want...and it isn't currently there. Oddly enough, at the meat counter...it sometimes actually works!!! Eventually, the desired product appears out of the gloved hands of the butcher soothing into the glass case, at which time the patron relaxes and requests the item be packaged up for his purchase.
This never works with the sugar.
I fear I am nearing the breaking point in your attention span, so I will end with this thought...As I sit here in my hospital bed, waiting for someone to respond to the call button that I pressed about ten minutes ago, (yes, I'm back to buttons) I have the strongest urge to press it again and again and again...AND HARDER. Because I obviously didn't press it correctly the first three times. Aside from the fact that I can hear the buzz outside the room that alerts the nurse that there is a light that needs attention, I have no guarantee that my request is being considered. Besides, I know there are people about...I can hear them talking about the crazy lady down the hall who pulls her brassiere on like a pair of pants.
I am then reminded of Einsteins definition of insanity...Insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results.
But still I push it again. And again. And yes, again.
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