"So, what's the deal with airline food? Is this crazy or what? And dont'cha hate it when your in-laws come to visit and they forget to bring their teeth to the party?"
Whew! There, that should do nicely. I realized that my title might instigate just a few too many readers. I wouldn't want my server to go kaput. So I thought I'd throw in a little standard "Jerry Seinfeld" (the beginning years) stand-up as a safety valve. I think the four of you will be just right. I hate to admit it, but at this point in the post, I don't have the faintest clue what it is going to end up being about. Normally, my cat would be sauntering into the room to supply me with the much needed inspiration by staring at me and subsequently taking a nap on my keyboard. Unfortunately, I am in a nursing facility right now, which leaves only bedpans, pork, and medications as relevant topics of current interest on my part. Seeing as how I don't think you want to read about any of those items (and I don't really want to write about them), I am condemned to babbling on until I hit on something good, which I usually manage to do without much effort.
You see, mine is an easy job. I sit here once or twice a day with my cup of whatever (coffee, tea, water, protein-enriched pseudo-breakfast-substitute corn syrup), and think of the things that never get expressed in the right places at the right times (i.e. anywhere, anytime as far as others are concerned). In a way, it's kind of like that movie Strange Brew with Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas. In the movie, they figure out a way to get all the free beer they want...legally! ::^BTW...CANADA ONLY^:: If I were to get someone to sponsor this blog, or to give me a contract to write this stuff professionally, I could probably have all the free beer I could consume. (Of course, if that happened, I probably wouldn't be using words like "consumed." I'd more likely be using words like "drink," or in that state of mind, "pfrlinck.") On the other hand, unlike the movie, I don't have an evil Max von Sydow trying to keep me from getting what I want by killing me. Thank goodness for that. He might be able to keep my head from spinning out of control from the insanity of this place if I asked him over, though. (Leave a comment below if you don't get the movie reference...I wouldn't want my blog to be over your head.)
On yet the third hand (what, you thought I was going to get prosthetic legs and let an opportunity like this just slip away?) I think sometimes I work too hard when I don't need to be so taxed on the brain. It seems these posts of late have been nothing short of a few miles long. It needn't be that way. Oh, I could still write everything I'm thinking, but in say, 3 short posts instead of 1 big momma post. Right? Also, I think I think too hard. I struggle sometimes (as with this morning) for topics that might be somewhat humorous to those who find it fun to read my blog. That's why I do it. (Other reasons I won't explore right now are also possible...another post topic maybe?) However, I have a sea of topics at my fingertips right here down the hallway. I think I need more physical therapy. Yes, guys, you read that right. (Just not those damn push-ups, please!) The stories that float around in that gym are priceless and provide laughs that I could never conjure up all by myself. As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. From this band of weird people (my therapists...take no offense, it's all in jest) I get ideas coming exploding out of my head. For instance, the woman who pulls her brassier on like a pair of pants (see other post down farther in this blog) or the 300 pound person who slowly falls to her knees when being helped into her chair. Then blaming the therapists for deliberately letting her fall! With a few embellishments and some literary licenses, those would make rather funny and gripping stories on your way out the door before a grueling day at the office, wouldn't you say? All I'd need beyond that is to stick a cute photo of one of my kitties at the top as a header and we'd both be set to start the day, right?
Here, I'll even put one in for today to see how it goes over...
...How's that? So finally we come to the end of our journey. I will bet you a case of beer that I can't end this post in a respectable, dignified manner that makes perfect...
(You owe me!)
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