Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Digger


Butterscotch 11

Once again taking a break from the movie reviews to present to you another short story I have penned to be included in a compilation when I collect enough different tales to publish (shooting for 10).

Steven knew it was a bad idea. Oh, but this was really not going well. And it was only going to get worse. The pool of red liquid was starting to coagulate. He knew that would happen if he just left it there exposed to the air too long. But what else was he supposed to do?

Maybe he should stick the whole mess into a garbage bag and shove it into a dumpster. Garbage collection day was tomorrow. Nobody would be the wiser.

The dogs. The dogs would surely sniff it out. Then he'd be up the creek. There'd be no hiding then. Dogs are known for uncovering monstrosities such as this.

Could it possibly get any worse? Yes. A blotch had spattered across the kitchen and landed on the carpet in the adjacent living room. He never imagined it could have shot so far. It was sinking deep into the nap of the light beige Berber, soon to become a permanent scarlet badge of his misgivings.

How does one purge his house of such an evil deed?
Can something like this ever be forgiven? No.
Steven decided he would just have to take this incident like a man. He would have to live with the knowledge that he had screwed up big time.

No one needed to find out. He could create a believable story. Besides, he rarely had houseguests. He could put a rug over the stain. He would be fine.
He would vow, though, never to attempt to cook his own spaghetti sauce again...ever.

"Sabrina! Colin!" he called. Sabrina came trotting into the kitchen, her calico fur as beautiful as a snow-covered tundra against the backdrop of an Alaskan mountain range. Colin was not far behind. The Husky's bright blue eyes could melt your heart with a glance. But affection would come later, after the spontaneous midday snack.
The final blow, however, came hard to Steven's ego, when even his devoted canine companions refused to consume the pot of slop that had become a culinary fiasco.
Then a small grin came over his face as Digger, the lithe brown tabby cat came leaping over the two mountainous dogs in pursuit of an extra meal.
"Take it where you can get it, suckers!" Digger sneered at the dogs, as he was more than happy to oblige Steven by lapping up a good portion of what was earlier proposed to be dinner.

Steven watched the scene a moment. The cat, resourceful in his own right, and enjoying the cleverness he felt he had, was basking in ecstasy while the three other members of the household contemplated.

"Well, kids," Steven shot a glance to the dogs, "I guess it's come to this tonight." He flipped open his laptop to order a pizza.
Five minutes later, Steven flopped down into his eating/sleeping/reading chair, content that dinner was no longer an issue. At least that dilemma was no longer a concern. Why didn't he just do that in the first place?

Now, what to do with that body in the library?


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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Murder By Death


Sprinkle 14

MOVIE REVIEW OF Murder by Death (1976) PG
Cast
Director
Robert Moore
Runtime: 1hrs 34min ( 94min)
tess skeffington ..... eileen brennen
lionel twain ..... truman capote
milo perrier ..... james coco
sam diamond ..... peter falk
james bensonmum ..... alec guinness
jessica marbles ..... elsa lancester
dick charleston ..... david niven
sidney wang ..... peter sellers
dora charleston ..... maggie smith
yetta the maid ..... nancy walker
nurse withers ..... estelle winwood
marcel cassette ..... james cromwell
willie wang ..... richard narita
myron ..... myron the dog

PLOT SUMMARY

The hilarious Neil Simon does it again. He has managed to make my day with his amazing talent to produce one of many seriously gut-busting comedies.

This time, he's making fun of mystery book characters. Five of the world's greatest detectives have been invited to have a murder mystery weekend at the home of Mr. Lionel Twain (Truman Capote) who lives at number 22. That's right...two...two...Twain's house. Say it out loud to get the joke.

All the guests are clever parodies of famous detectives we all know. There's Dick and Dora Charleston (parodies of Nick and Nora Charles, played by David Niven and Maggie Smith), Sidney Wang (parody of Charlie Chan, played by Peter Sellers), Sam Diamond (parody of Sam Spade, played by Peter Falk), Milo Perrier (parody of Hercule Poirot, played by James Coco), and Jessica Marbles (parody of Jane Marple, played by Elsa Lancester).

The unexpected twist to them is that the murder is real. And according to their host, one of them is the murderer! At the stroke of midnight...and after dinner, of course, someone will be murdered...and one of them will have done it! And speaking of dinner, that itself is riddled with mayhem. The butler (Alec Guinness) is blind, and the maid (Nancy Walker) is deaf and dumb.

It is up to the famous detectives to figure out who the murderer is and collect the 1 million dollar prize before the morning arrives.


TECH INSPECTION

I've taken time off for two days now to see if I could come up with some sort of negative criticism for this movie. No luck. Like most of Neil Simon's works, even though they are originally meant for the stage (and I could certainly imagine this one as such a production), they have been masterfully produced for film. If you think I'm making this up, just take a look at some of my favorite movies: The Odd Couple, The Out-Of-Towners (1970), The Prisoner of Second Avenue, The Sunshine Boys (1975), The Goodbye Girl (1977), and Lost in Yonkers just to name a very select few! And yes, Murder by Death is in there, too.

I find it difficult to write an extensive review of a Neil Simon mystery as most of my points involve scenes that would either tell the whole movie (in effect, rendering it pointless to actually see the movie) or at the very least give away something crucial (spoilers). However, given a look at the selected quotes I have chosen below, you don't need my critique to tell you that you are missing 90 minutes of good times by not seeing this movie.

Note: An internet search revealed to me that Simon's original script for this movie had Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson arriving and solving the mystery as everyone else is leaving. I would have loved to see that!

QUOTES
Finally, a short list of quotes I think are worth repeating. You may recognize some, but these are my own picks, not ones that are particularly famous:
  • Idiot! Not finish mushroom story! Idiot! ~ Sidney Wang
  • You should not speak with an accent when you know I am so hungry. ~ Milo Perrier
  • Why do I have to drive the car? ~ Willie Wang

    Cause I smart enough to get out first. ~ Sidney Wang
  • Isn't that nice, darling? We're in Wang's wing. ~ Dick Charleston
  • Room filled with empty people. ~ Sidney Wang
  • IT IS... IT IS confusing. Say your Goddamn pronouns! ~ Lionel Twain
  • What if you don't wake up? ~ Willie Wang

    Then you did it. ~ Sidney Wang
  • You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. You've tortured us all with surprise endings that made no sense. You've introduced characters in the last five pages that were never in the book before. You've withheld clues and information that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. But now, the tables are turned. Millions of angry mystery readers are now getting their revenge. ~ Lionel Twain
Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
cat head 2 cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2 10/10

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Thursday, June 7, 2012

Logan's Run


Sprinkle 16

MOVIE REVIEW OF Logan's Run (1976) PG
Cast
Director Michael Anderson Runtime: 1hrs 59min ( 119min)
logan ..... michael york
francis ..... richard jordan
jessica ..... jenny agutter
box ..... roscoe lee browne
holly ..... farrah fawcett-majors
doc ..... michael anderson jr.
old man ..... peter ustinov
sanctuary man #1 ..... bob neill
sanctuary man #2 ..... randolph roberts
woman runner ..... lara lindsay
billy ..... gary morgan
mary 2 ..... Michelle Stacy
woman customer ..... laura hippe
sandman ..... david westberg
sanctuary woman ..... camilla carr
cub ..... gregg lewis
timid girl ..... ashley cox
sandman ..... bill couch
runner ..... glen wilder

PLOT SUMMARY
Sometime in the 23rd century...the survivors of great war, overpopulation and pollution are living in a great domed city. Sealed away from the forgotten world outside. Here, in an ecologically balanced world, mankind lives only for pleasure, freed by the servo-mechanisms which provide everything.

There's just one catch: Life must end at thirty unless reborn in the fiery ritual of carrousel.

In the advanced world everyone lives under domed cities. Life is supposed to be perfect. All provisions are supplied by an unseen caretaker. But life is too perfectly balanced and planned. At thirty years of age, people are eliminated under the propaganda that they will be reborn or renewed through a ceremony called carrousel. (pronounced carousel.) There is no sex involved in the creation of new life. It is brought on artificially in breeders by seed parents who never know each other's identities.

Even names have become generic. The child of Logan 5 (Michael York), for instance, is named Logan 6.

Logan 5 is what they call a Sandman. In this sense of the word, his job is to track down runners, people trying to escape the confines of the domed cities.

Logan becomes authorized to penetrate the seals of the city in order to find and destroy what is called sanctuary, a place believed to be a location where runners have congregated and become unaccounted for. In order to do this, Logan must risk his life by becoming a runner himself.

Logan reluctantly accepts the task (as if he has a choice) and discovers some things, about which he had already been questioning, along the way and at the end of his journey.

TECH INSPECTION

This movie is based on the novel Logan's Run by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson.

I am left wondering how it is that during Logan's first run, he and Jessica must navigate through a labyrinth of tunnels and caves in order to reach outside. Nevertheless, at the end, it's less than a hop, skip, and a jump to the same place.

At the very end of the movie when everyone is gathering around the old man, one person raises his hand above the crowd. Smack dab in the middle of the screen, he gives the Vulcan hand sign from Star Trek.

I saw this movie for the first time when I was about 7 years old on Night Owl Theater with Fritz the Night Owl, and have loved it ever since for different reasons as I got older.

This is one of those movies that gives kicks to those just looking for editing and script mistakes and faux pas in continuity. However, once you have been satiated in that respect, watch the movie again for entertainment value and you will be impressed.

Note the famous people in key roles such as Farrah Fawcett (credited as Farrah Fawcett-Majors, wife of Lee Majors at the time) and Peter Ustinov (Hercule Poirot in the Agatha Christie movies, Sparticus).

QUOTES
Finally, a short list of quotes I think are worth repeating. You may recognize some, but these are my own picks, not ones that are particularly famous:
  • Just imagine what would happen to you if the healing stopped functioning. ~ Doc
  • Must have been a savage world. ~ Jessica
  • Fish, and plankton, and seagreens, and proteins from the sea... ~ Box
  • Beloved husband. Beloved wife. I wonder what it means. ~ Jessica
Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2 9 /10

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Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Fly


Sugar 5


No, not that The Fly. This is not another movie review. I thought I would take a break from visual entertainment and do a post more familiar with my pre-reviewer times.

I finally got him. That pesky fly is no longer. He was a big one, too. One of those flies that just seems like he constitutes the entire world. And he is no longer. What an accomplishment. What a joyous part of my day. What a reason to celebrate...Really?!

This is not really to say that it is sad to say that this constitutes the most I can imagine as a good day. It is more to exploit how much some of the little things are what really matters. I know it's been done over and over in numerous columns and books and articles before. But that is because it is true (and it works really well for those trying to get back to writing in the way they used to back in the day).

Think for a moment about the things that really make you happy. Some of the times when you might catch yourself smiling when nobody is around to see it. When you watch one your favorite cartoon shows or you read a book that makes you laugh inside. Have you ever just stopped and reflected on your physical state at that very moment and realizing that you have a grin on your face? Compare this to when you are out with friends. You're all laughing and having a good time with your anecdotes and stories of the last barbecue party and what others might not know happened back at the house and...well, that's another post...

Anyway, my point is that there are times when you smile just because it is the socially acceptable thing to do. You wouldn't really laugh wholeheartedly at Uncle Frank's story of blunder at the hardware store. For one thing, nobody thinks it's funny that he picked up the wrong size drill bit. For another thing, nobody at this particular gathering knows what carbide tipped even means. And for a third thing, nobody cares or will ever care! But you smile, tip your glass to his, and let him have a fake chuckle anyway. Why? Because even though Frank is the one with the stupid story, you'd look like the idiot if you didn't. Ironic, isn't it?

When you watch your favorite show on television, you have no one to impress. Yet you still put on a happy face. When you kill that horse of a fly, you grin as though you have conquered the universe. Well, at least I do. Joking aside, have you really done much to rid the world of evil? You got rid of one stupid fly. In the whole vast land of everything, there is one less housefly. I don't think that is going to make much of a difference to anyone tomorrow. Probably not even you. However, you celebrate anyway.

I believe there seems even more reason to celebrate when there is nobody around. Like right now as I am sitting here writing this column. It is the middle of the night and I have just found that pesky fly in my glass of water. Sure I'll have to go get another glass of water, but that fly is gone. No more taking time out from my thoughts to take a swat at it, just to have it return and do a fly-by (excuse the pun) around my lamp. Such satisfaction from such a little thing. Yet that's what life seems to be about. At least to me. Because at last I can sleep, which is what I was after all along. Another of those little things we don't think of as being so important until we are deprived of it. And here it is. I'll just finish up this column and enjoy the bliss that is slumber.

Oh no. Now there's something I didn't count on...that fly has a brother...

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