Monday, April 30, 2012

My Story 3: Back Home



Sugar 13

This is the last installment of my story of woe. I hope you have found it interesting and maybe a little informative. I just got kind of tired of having to give a condensed version to all who asked about what happened. I won't be posting any more of my personal journal entries simply because, well, they're personal. Note: Be sure to read My Story 1 and My Story 2 before you read this final entry.

I'm back home with my cats now. I couldn't be happier. Can't say this is going to be as exciting or interesting as my last couple of entries, but I can't exactly just stop, as there is still time to cover that encompasses significant happenings. Then maybe I can resume my daily entries like I used to.

I'm living mostly in guess what...my living room now. How appropriate is that?! I've got my hospital bed with a bed table and a stool to keep a lamp and a few small items on. Mom is going to bring down my nightstand when she gets a chance so I can have another surface and a couple of drawers. I've just got too much stuff!

Anyway, I'm still relying on my computer for most of my daily activities right now (and as usual). Here again, I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

I came home, as I said, in a wheelchair from the Manor that I had taken. They found out eventually, though. The first full day that I was home turned out very well. I got a phone call from United Mobility & Seating--the ones providing me with my power wheelchair--asking if it would be a good time to deliver the chair. YES, PERFECT! Ironically, about 10 minutes after the guy arrived, I got another phone call, this time from the Manor. They wanted to know if it would be a good time to pick up the chair that I borrowed. As a matter of fact, it would be! How perfect could it be?! Just as the power chair guy was leaving, the lady from the Manor drove up! Done and done.

Next on the important agenda was to acquire some items that I still needed. Most important was a manual wheelchair of my own so I can go places away from home. Once again, a call to June so she could take me and Mom around shopping. Of course, a lunch at Steak & Shake was also a must. We stopped first at White's Pharmacy. They had stuff, but the wheelchairs were way too heavy for Mom & June to handle. They looked at bed tables too--too expensive right now.

We went next to Walgreens. They didn't have anything. However, a customer said there was a medical supply store right down the road. Sure enough, American Medical Equipment is in the same shoppiing mall as Outback Steakhouse. So that's where we went next (I'm writing this entry with one of their pens. I have about 5 of them.) Success! Not only did we get a good wheelchair ($299), but we also got the bed table that I'm using right now ($149). At the last minute, we asked about a transfer board. They had one left! So we added that to our purchase. June paid for it, but we can still use it for my April spend down.

I finally got to go for lunch at The Waffle House. Mom and June used to stop there on the way home from visiting me. I wanted to go too. It was really good.

Not too much more to say right now except...I suppose it might be appropriate to mention that I broke my collarbone! Simple enough day. I had been sitting outside on the ramp platform (the deck) in the fresh air. It was getting chilly, so I came inside (I can manage this by myself now). I was doing a routine transfer back into my bed when ...CRACK!!! My right shoulder went straight up to my ear and the pain was excruciatiing! Fortunately, I had made it into the bed, because I couldn't have gone any farther using my arms.

Once again, I thought it would go away. So I suffered up through the next morning. Then I remembered what happened the last time I didn't go to the hospital about something--I lost my legs! So I finally called the ambulance to take me to the hospital. They took an X-ray and found out I had broken my collarbone.

Whoa! That reminded me...how could I forget one of the best things that happened while I was at the Manor. Tammy came back! She is getting a divorce from Mick and finally leaving what apparently was 27 years of abuse and Hell. Good for her and yay for me. She is going to stay here, too. Not just visiting!

Which brings me to where I am now. My shoulder feels better, but it still hurts when I put pressure on it. I'm going to have to cancel any appointments with those who don't make house calls. I'm hoping to try an easy transfer today if Mom ever gets out of the study and away from the budget. I'm hoping she can find my lighter USB flash drive...and my baseball cards while she's at it!

I think that'll do it for now. Sprinkle is breaking something in the kitchen and I'm hungry!

Thanks for Visiting!!!



Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Story 2: Rehab


Honey 1

This is the continuation of my experiences during my hospitalization this last year. If you haven't already, read My Story 1: The Beginning below before you read this entry...Here goes...

Dodd Hall is a wonderful place. All the people were excellent. They even have their own full-service café for meals. Breakfast was served in the room. I went down for most lunches, and I ventured down several times for dinner.

Throughout the whole thing, I don't know what I would have done without my computer. I got on Facebook a lot and reconnected with some old friends. Jessica Cicak was the first to visit. Found out she is engaged to Mom's old co-worker Rourke Adams! He couldn't make it because his Dad was dying. She brought pizza and her two kids. Bart Day and Rachel Stimer (now Hoffman) visited, too. Rachel brought her son (Alex) and her Mom. Her Mom is great and I think I talked more to her than to Rachel!

Dan Sulka was my physical therapist. Oh...the first weekend, they found a hairline fracture in my right ulna from a case of seltzer I had dropped on it in October. They put a splint on that. It's really hard to do physical therapy with a splint on your arm and a no pressure order! After four weeks, insurance didn't want to pay so much for me to get better anymore, so I was ousted. I requested another week, but to no avail. I left Dodd Hall on the 20th of December. I really didn't want to go! It didn't help that I was headed back to the Manor at Whitehall. Not much had changed except the meals were just a little better.

While I was there, I finally got my splint taken off...let me backtrack for just a moment (did you know that a moment is actually a minute and a half? Of course you didn't). One exciting thing that did happen while I was at Dodd...I got my staples and sutures taken out. I had an appointment for an unknown doctor for an unknown reason. I'm glad they did that. If I had known what was ahead, I would have been on edge beforehand.

Back to the Manor...I went through 3 roommates. First was Norman. He was always cold (I'm always hot) and was diabetic. Eventually, he was taken to the hospital for something or other, and never returned. Next was Reggie. He was a single amputee (also diabetic) below the knee. He was hardly ever in the room. He liked to roam around in his wheelchair. He was about my age, and when he was in the room, he was quiet, usually sleeping. He went home a couple of weeks before me. I heard that on the day he was to leave, he went to the hospital for pneumonia. Then there was Alex. Huge annoying guy. I think during his whole stay, the TV was off twice, and only because I turned it off while he was at therapy for an hour. And I mean 24 hours of sports and God-fearing religious people. No more watching stuff with Mom when she visited. He was not a nice person. He just ordered the aides around. He said he was there to lose weight, but I would hear him on the phone with his family telling them to bring snacks, Don't forget the sausage and make sure you get double this and double that. And I need more Bugles. That's the way to lose weight in 30 days!

Finally, I got my day of release...let me backtrack once again. One thing that was neat about physical therapy (which was considerably easier than at Dodd) was that I got to play bowling on the Nintendo Wii. Although I badly bruised my wrist by hitting it on my wheelchair when I threw the ball. I also got to help in the kitchen a few times. Although I did not exactly relish shredding cheese and chopping onions. It was fun anyway.

Lindsay and Mandy were wonderful therapists, and I hated to see them go when I left, as I did the rest who did not have me as a patient.

Even my release got screwed up. I was told (and I have written proof) that my release date was to be March 28. Well, it turns out, as I found out on March 27, that my stay was up on the 28th, and that I wouldn't actually leave until the 29th! On top of that, the wheelchair that was supposed to be delivered so I could get home never arrived! The Manor had been talking to the wrong company! I ended up taking a wheelchair from the Manor just so I could get home! To cut to the chase, I finally did get out of there and came home with about 12 prescriptions.

But the story doesn't stop there. I did get settled in with my hospital bed set up in the living room.

This is a good place to stop round 2 of the tale. I'm to the point where the hospital stories are exhausted, and I am back home. There will be one more entry on this subject, then I will have some more movie reviews and maybe some more of the type of blog posts I was doing before. Who knows what's ahead. Maybe a book deal?!

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Monday, April 23, 2012

My Story 1: The Beginning


Cinnamon 15

I haven't done much more than movie reviews on this blog as of lately. Mostly because I am home now and have been settling in. To tell on myself a little, those reviews were actually written while I was still in the nursing home. I haven't had much time to watch movies. I have just recently broken my collarbone, so I am laid up more than usual and will be for awhile. In the meantime, I thought I would catch up on my personal journal. It is interesting to go back through my memory and see all that I have been through these past 5 or so months and try to figure out how I have managed to get through it all. I also thought it might be interesting to you. Nothing in here is all that personal, and I have omitted some of the details for fear of becoming unnecessarily long-winded. This is the text as it is actually written in my notebook, so you'll excuse any ramblings or incoherent sentences or things that just don't quite fit. As it is I have broken it into smaller entries so as to keep it at the length, I hope, of a comfortable read. I welcome any feedback or questions in the form of a comment at the bottom of this post.

So without further ado, here is My Story 1: The Beginning...

Well, here I am! I don't remember the last time I wrote a journal entry, but I have been away from home for a good 5+months and I have lost my previous notebook.

It was early on the morning of November 5, 2011. I was headed up to bed at about 2am. I flopped down in the big couch chair in the living room because I was feeling weak. When I went to get back up, I just couldn't do it. I tried several times to push off, but had no strength. I finally got enough momentum to stand with the walker. But then suddenly my legs gave way and I collapsed into the chair. Thank goodness it was there. I was really scared. Punky was watching fron the cabana across the room by the TV. I finally conceded that I needed to go to the hospital. I was not only seeping, but my leg (left) was bleeding out from underneath the bandages. I began crying. I couldn't call the hospital or ambulance. So, another late night call to June. She came over and called the squad for me, They came and carted me off the Mt. Carmel ER. I laid there while they hooked me up to the usual things. The doctor came in and they started to unwrap my bandages. I was asked who wrapped my legs. When I said it was me, they said it was a really good job. Yay me!? That joy lasted a few seconds before everyone gasped. My leg was covered with maggots! They cleaned me off and said it was a good thing because they were cleaning the infection. So I was admitted. Little did I know what this would lead to.

They originally said I might have to be amputated . They wouldn't say for sure how much. It was to happen that day, but they found me to be infected with head lice. They couldn't take me into the OR like that, so they shaved my head and rescheduled the surgery for Monday the 7th. The next thing I remember is lying in wait to go to surgery. The doctor was still unsure how much he would have to amputate. He would have to wait until he got me in there, He asked about my right leg. He wanted to know, if he thought the right leg would have to come off, did he want me to wake me. I said NO! I trusted his judgement.

The next thing I remember is waking up after surgery, I didn't open my eyes. I thought maybe the whole thing had been a dream and possibly a cruel joke. I started to panic. I could hear people bustling around me, and man was I thirsty! I really started to scream, but tried really hard to keep my cool. I finally settled down, and after awhile they said I could go up to my room. Holly was there to wheel me up. My eyes were still closed. I didn't open then for quite some time. That's all I remember for awhile. I don't remember opening my eyes for the first time.

I did my stint at Mt. Carmel during which i had a bout with an excruciating episode of leg pain (nerve). It was literally the worst pain I have ever endured. There was nothing I could do about it. I had a button to press to control my IV pain meds (Dilaudid), but they wouldn't act quick enough. So they started me on meds to prevent the spasms before they started. The big issue was where I would go after this. I stubbornly fighted going to OSU--I don't know why. Dodd Hall was the place of choice--and I'm glad for it. Dr. Tanzer was right. It was the best hospital I have ever been in.

I was transferred on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It was November 22nd.

I think I will stop this entry there. There is plenty more to tell, and I probably forgot some stuff. But there it is. Stop by again for the continuation. As it is already written, I will probably post it before too long!

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Super Mario Brothers

Kitt 1

MOVIE REVIEW OF SUPER MARIO BROTHERS (1993) PG
Cast
Director annabel jankel, rocky morton, dean semler Runtime: 1hr. 44min. (104min.)
mario mario ..... bob hoskins
luigi mario ..... john leguizamo
king koopa ..... dennis hopper
princess daisy ..... samamtha mathes
iggy ..... fisher stevens
spike ..... richard edson
lena ..... fiona shaw
daniella ..... dana kaminski
toad ..... mojo nixon
scapelli ..... gianni russo
bertha ..... francesca p. roberts
the king ..... lance henriksen
old lady ..... desiree marie velez
brooklyn girl#1 ..... andrea powell
brooklyn girl#2 ..... heather pendergast
brooklyn girl#3 ..... melanie salvatore
goomba toad ..... john fifer
sergeant simon ..... don lake
TV announcer ..... robert d. raiford
scapelli bodyguard#1 ..... robert lee edwards
scapelli bodyguard#2 ..... ronald lou edwards
narrator ..... dan castellanetta
PLOT SUMMARY

In its most quantum essence, the plot of this movie is the same as its namesake's video game: Mario and Luigi (Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo respectively) are on a quest to save the Princess (Samamtha Mathes) from the evil King Koopa (Dennis Hopper...go figure). Only in the movie version, we start out in Brooklyn, New York, and The Princess doesn't know she is a princess.

King Koopa lives in an alternate dimension where cold-blooded creatures dominate. He has everyone bowing to him ever since he got rid of their king and created his devolution machine which turns any mammal back into their primitive, pre-neanderthal form. Enter, the Goombas.

Koopa and his wife, Lena (Fiona Shaw) are after a small piece of meteorite that fell to Earth 65 million years ago (explained further in the short prologue), Insertion of this tiny rock into the rest of the meteorite will merge the two dimensions and supposedly bring Koopa into power over both worlds.

Princess Daisy holds this crucial piece of rock. She finds and slips through the inter-dimensional portal beneath the city. By now, Luigi has fallen in love with her and literally pursues her to the other dimension. Mario follows, they discover Koopa's plan, and the adventure begins.

TECH INSPECTION

Other than Koopa himself, the Goombas are virtually the only villains from the original video game. There is also a small but significant cameo by B-bomb.

The flameball throwers are there, but in the hands of the Koopa Klan, not the Mario Brothers. They have only their trusty toolbelts.

I was disappointed that there were not more connections, such as characters, to the game. I understand using Princess Daisy (from Super Mario Land) instead of Princess Toadstool for the contemporary Brooklyn aspect. However, more video game characters would have made the movie more fun. Among those MIA are: Spiney, Koopas and Para-Koopas, Piranaha Plant, Hammer Brothers, Latkitu (the cloud villain), Buzzy Beetle, Blooper, Cheep Cheep, and Bullet Bill (although his name is on a sign hanging outside one of the dives).

One of the major components of the game, the gold coins, are only mentioned briefly, and never become a dominant part of the storyline.

Those particulars are mainly what brought my final rating of this movie down to 8 meows. Overall, however, I found this movie to be a fun one for the entire family, fans and non-fans of the game alike.

QUOTES
Finally, don't run out early. There's a funny post-credits scene, if you're willing to wait for the following dialogue:
  • Well, I must say we have a very exciting proposal ~ Japanese businessman #1
    A video game based on your many adventures ~ Japanese businessman #2
    What would you call it? ~ Japanese businessman #1
    Iggy's World ~ Spike
    The Indomitable Spike ~ Iggy
    The Supa' Koopa Cousins! ~ Spike & Iggy
Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2 8 /10

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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Scream Blacula Scream

Princey 8

MOVIE REVIEW OF SCREAM BLACULA SCREAM (1973) - PG
Cast
Director Bob Kelljan Runtime: 1 hr. 36 min. (96 min.)
Blacula/Prince Mamuwalde ..... William Marshall
Justin Carter ..... Don Mitchell
Lisa Fortier ..... Pam Grier
Sheriff Harley Dunlop ..... Michael Conrad
Willis Daniels ..... Richard Lawson
Denny ..... Lynn Moody
Gloria ..... Janee Michelle
Elaine ..... Barbara Rhoades
Ragman ..... Bernie Hamilton
Louis ..... Arnold Williams
Professor Walston ..... Van Kirksey
Pimp#1 ..... Bob Minor
Pimp#2 ..... Al Jones
Milt ..... Eric Mason
Librarian ..... Sybil Scotford
Maggie ..... Beverly Gill
Doll Man ..... Don Blackman
Prostitute ..... Judith Elliotte
Cop ..... Dan Roth
Dennis ..... Nicholas Worth
Joe ..... Kenneth O'Brien
Sarge ..... Craig Nelson
Attendent ..... James Payne
Cop#1 ..... Richard Washington
Cop#2 ..... Bob Hoy
Sergeant Williams ..... James Kingsley
Woman ..... Arnita Bell
PLOT SUMMARY
In this second coming of the Blacula movies (there are only two), we start off with the death of a relative of Willis Daniels (Richard Lawson). Willis is angered because he was not named as the heir of the family fortune. He seeks revenge by any means. To accomplish this, he seeks out a man who possesses the bones of Blacula (William Marshall) a.k.a. Mamuwalde. The man tells of the extreme power of these bones, and hands him a folded piece of paper, telling him this is all you need to know. Next we see Willis conducting a voodoo ritual (a common theme throughout the movie) to bring the bones back to living form. Initially, the ritual seems to have failed. But we soon find that it was in fact very successful. When Blacula is resurrected, his first victim is Willis, naturally, and Willis becomes Blacula's slave vampire. At this point, a brief flashback explains the beginnings of Blacula and his curse for the benefit of those who did not see the first movie.

From here on, the main plot of the movie is Blacula's desire to dispel his curse. He believes a voodoo ritual can restore him to a normal man. He meets a woman, Lisa, who has exceptionally strong ties to the voodoo community and possesses exceptional powers. Mamuwalde believes Lisa is the key to a normal life once again. And of course, throughout the movie, the cops are pursuing these vampires in hopes of banishing these blood-suckers to eternal death (in this context, that is NOT redundant).

The final shootout in this movie is almost exactly the same as the end of the first movie, except that this one takes place in a mansion instead of a chemical plant.

TECH INSPECTION
The first thing I noticed in the beginning of the movie was the little too obvious ad placement. Once again the prominent sponsor is Coors beer. As far as plot, I find this to be very thin for a movie that lasts an hour and a half. I just have to criticize one other oversight by the writers and perhaps director of this production. I'm surprised this didn't make it into my critique of Blacula. In both these movies, some of the vampires are in a zombie state all of the time. Others, namely Willis and Mamuwalde, switch between normal and vampire mode. These two characters are only vicious during an active attack.

My low rating of this movie comes primarily from its lack of plot. In fact, there are several redeeming qualities present in this film. I was happy to see Blacula exhibit his bat abilities in the first 40 minutes instead of the previous last 15 minutes of the last film. Also, in a movie that easily lends itself to the temptation of cheap overacting, this is one flaw that I did not notice. The acting in this movie is actually very good.

QUOTES
Finally, a short list of quotes I think are worth repeating. You may recognize some, but these are my own picks, not ones that are particularly famous:
  • Your only justification for crawling on this Earth is to serve me.~Mamuwalde
  • Evening would be better for me. I'm rather a night person.~Mamuwalde
  • I may be a little prejudice on race creed and color, but nobody's perfect~Sheriff Dunlop
  • I'm sorry, I don't have any...bread...with me. And as far as kicking my ass...I strongly recommend that you give it careful consideration before trying it.~Mamuwalde
Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
cat head 2cat head 2cat head 23/10

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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Gambler

Pumpkin 1

MOVIE REVIEW OF THE GAMBLER (1980) TV
Cast
Director Dick Lowry Runtime: 1hr. 35min. (95min.)
Brady Hawkes ..... Kenny Rogers
Eliza ..... Christine Belford
Billy Montana ..... Bruce Boxleitner
Arthur Stobridge ..... Horold Gould
Rufe Bennett ..... Clu Gulager
Doc Palmer ..... Lance LeGault
Jennie Reed ..... Lee Purcell
Jeremiah ..... Ronnie Scribner
Conductor ..... Noble Willingham
Tabor ..... Bruce M. Fischer
Botkin ..... Borah Silver
Johnson ..... Lew Brown
George ..... Lee Paul
Crown ..... Robert Lussier
Charlie Rose ..... Ed Walsh
Dallas ..... Marianne Gordon
Lilly ..... Cathy Worthington
Shuster ..... Chales Knapp
Eli ..... Ed Bakey
Winters ..... Dave Cass
Polo ..... Neil Summers
PLOT SUMMARY

Inspired by the hit Kenny Rogers single The Gambler, the premise of this movie is a train bound for somewhere. San Francisco to be exact. A gathering of the best poker players in the country are coming together to prove is absolutely the king of the cards. On this train is an over-enthusiastic boy named Billy Montana (Bruce Boxleitner). Also on this train is Brady Hawkes (Kenny Rogers), The Gambler. Included in the trip as well are a fine young lady (Lee Purcell) and the owner of the railroad, Arthur Stonebridge (Harold Gould), who thinks he can railroad anyone he pleases.

Hawkes is on the train as a result of a letter from the son, Jeremiah, he didn't know he had, asking for help. Fearing for Hawkes's safety, Jeremiah's mother sends him to another town to meet up with Hawkes so that they need not come to her town and possibly face his death.

Hawkes looks out for people, but he's not after advertising it. He saves Billy's hide in a bar, and from there, the two hook up out of circumstance.

That's about all I want to tell. The story is about people looking out for each other. And, oh yeah...poker plays a little hand in the plot as well! You gotta know when to walk away.

TECH INSPECTION

This classic has all the makings of an old western with nostalgic old towne sets and atmosphere. It has a light but strong and bold plot with great actors to play the parts. The sets are simple but impressive. And there is enough sub-plot to keep the movie amusing and somewhat light.

Although not fully explained outright, the plot focuses on Hawkes inadvertently teaching Billy the ways of city life to a country boy.

Most of the memorable lines come from Hawkes. This, of course, is characteristic of most Kenny Rogers movies where he injects his great country wit and wisdom. For an example, I suggest you watch one of my favorite movies which I will be reviewing in the future, Six Pack.

QUOTES
Finally, a short list of quotes I think are worth repeating. You may recognize some, but these are my own picks, not ones that are particularly famous:
  • Even the flies crawl around here.~Billy Montana
  • Oh, you were cheatin'. You're just better at it than they are.~Brady Hawkes
  • Never leave a man busted~Brady Hawkes
  • If you don't make it as a gambler, you'll do real good at spreadin' fertilizer.~Brady Hawkes
  • You just paid to see the cards, boy. Lessons come extra.~Doc Palmer
  • A good gambler never cheats, but he doesn't go against the odds, either.~Billy Montana
Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
cat head 2cat head 2 cat head 2 cat head 2 cat head 2 cat head 2 cat head 2 cat head 28/10

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Monday, April 2, 2012

Cats & Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

Sugar 11

MOVIE REVIEW OF CATS AND DOGS 2: THE REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE (2010) - PG
Cast
Director Brad Peyton Runtime: 1hr.22min.(82min.)
Diggs ..... James Marsden
Butch ..... Nick Nolte
Catherine ..... Christina Applegate
Seamus ..... Katt Williams
Kitty Galore ..... Bette Midler
Lou ..... Neil Patrick Harris
Mr. Tinkles ..... Sean Hayes
Calico ..... Wallace Shawn
Tab Lazenby ..... Roger Moore
Peek ..... Joe Pantoliano
Sam ..... Michael Clark Duncan
Shane ..... Chris O'Donnell
Chuck ..... Jack McBrayer
Freidrich ..... Fred Armisen
Little Girl ..... Kiernan Shipka
Crazy Carlito ..... Paul Rodriguez
Angus MacDougall ..... Michael Beattie
Duncan MacDougall ..... Jeff Bennett
Gruff K-9 ..... J.K. Simmons
Snobby K-9 ..... André Sogliuzzo
Used Car Salesman ..... Mark Burgess
Cat Lady ..... Betty Phillips
Paws ..... Phil Lamarr
Coit Tower Guard ..... Keith Dallas
Cat Gunner ..... Carlos Alazraqui
Playland Worker ..... Amitai Marmorstein
PLOT SUMMARY

The opening of this movie is an emulation of a typical 007 movie...The espionage in a foreign country for the first scene that is mysterious as to purpose. It introduces a couple of characters who may or may not be important to the rest of the story. Then a very Bond-ish opening credit sequence with Let's Get This Party Started playing in the background. Very cool!

Moving to San Francisco where we meet the star of this production and his owner. Namely Diggs(James Marsden) and Shane Larson (Chris O'Donnell). A police dog and his master. However, this particular K-9 has some trouble following orders. As such, he has been in and out of kennels more than your average dog. He blows up a car dealership (granted, it's a USED car dealership, but a dealership all the same), and is taken out of commission one last time. This is when the Secret Service of the canine world comes to his rescue. For some reason they believe he is the new recruit that is needed to defeat Kitty Galore (who else but Bette Midler), who is out to destroy humankind. This is the first of many references (aside from the opening sequence) to James Bond. This is a parody of the Bond character Pussy Galore. But wait, there's plenty more...

A transmission is intercepted by D.O.G., canine intelligence, from Kitty Galore telling of her plan to take over the world. Not original, but who cares? It's a talking animal Disney movie. Isn't that enough for a high rating right there? D.O.G. sends Diggs and Special Agent Butch (Nick Nolte), his mentor, on a special mission to find Galore and stop her plan. It is believed that a pigeon named Seamus (Katt...no kidding...Williams) holds the last piece in the puzzle before Galore can release her plan she calls The Call of the Wild. On their journey to get to Seamus first, Diggs and Butch (Nick Nolte) run into a cat named Catherine (Christina Applegate) who turns out to work for M.E.O.W.S., feline intelligence. In a teleconference, the heads of the two agencies, Lou (D.O.G.) and Tab Lazenby (M.E.O.W.S.) decide the only way the world will be safe is if...wait for it...cats and dogs work together! We see two Bond references here. Tab Lazenby is taken from one-time Bond portrayer George Lazenby (On Her Majesty's Secret Service) and is voiced by seven-time Bond actor Roger Moore.

Along the way, we learn that Galore was M.E.O.W.S. agent Ivana Clawyu, who fell into a vat of hair remover while on a mission (parodying the first Batman movie) and was put out by her owners, making her resentful toward humans and bent on revenge. She acquired a henchman and a pet albino mouse and turned to abolishing the human race. Two more 007 references are seen here. Her henchman, Paws, is taken from the Bond villain, Jaws, and the mouse, Scrumptious, is taken from the white cat coddled by the seemingly indestructible Bond villain, Blofeld.

The rest of the movie is devoted to this Bond-type scenario until the end climax, which is clearly taken from another Bond film Diamonds Are Forever. Incidentally, my personal favorite.

The epilogue puts the team up for another adventure, which may still be turned into a movie, seeing as how there was a period of nine years (perhaps one for every life) between the two Cats & Dogs movies. This epilogue is a direct emulation of Mission: Impossible (the TV series). The closing credits are covered by the song Why Can't We Be Friends by WAR.

TECH INSPECTION

Not much I can say in the negative for this movie. It got negative reviews from other mainstream critics, but I loved it. There are many gags that could not be expressed here because of the visual element involved. (E.g. a dog coming out of the restroom at D.O.G. HQ with toilet paper stuck to his back paw.) You just have to watch the movie to get the extensive humor. I also like to watch it over and over to see if I can pick up on any other movie references poked in there. So far, other than the ones mentioned already, I have noticed references and parodies to Silence of the Lambs, The Matrix, Goldfinger, and The Fly.

This probably goes without saying, but the CGI in this movie is absolutely amazing. Most of the time (especially with Kitty Galore) it is virtually impossible to tell when they are using computers and when they switch to live animals. As a James Bond fan myself, I must commend this movie on an intriguing plot. Moreso than the average Disney talking animal movie. The great cast of characters, voices and real-life, keeps you happily surprised throughout the whole movie just waiting to shout out Hey, that's the guy (or girl) from such and such....

There's not much more I can say other than this is just a great family movie for kids and adults alike. As with most movies of this type, kids will probably not get a lot of the jokes and parodies, but they love the Disney-ish stuff in there. I have personally seen this movie five times, and not because of my critique needs. Buy the DVD!!!!!

QUOTES
Finally, a short list of quotes I think are worth repeating. You may recognize some, but these are my own picks, not ones that are particularly famous:
  • I just came up out of the floor. Let's assume I'm smart enough to know your name.~Butch
  • Congratulations Agent Buttercup on the birth of your son, son, daughter, son, daughter, daughter,...~voice over PA system
  • Yeah, right. I should've seen a flying cat coming.~Diggs
  • Look for something that resembles a bologna with a head~Diggs
  • About what I said before about liking cats...~Diggs Never happened.~Catherine Thanks~Diggs
  • It's a bird, it's a plane...Nope, had it right the first time.~Seamus
  • Not every red button is an off switch~Kitty Galore
Here is my personal rating of this movie. This rating is out of ten meows.
cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 2cat head 210/10
cat head 2(Just one more for good measure!)

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Sunday, April 1, 2012

Who Am I?

Once again, a short story for your enjoyment. Although this one is not quite as short as my previous ones. Please enjoy Who Am I?

Pumpkin 9

"Zwangggggg!"

"Zwang zwang zwang zwanggggggggggggg!"

You would think that by now, such startling noises wouldn't even phase me. But really, how can one not be jolted from solace when being yanked from peaceful slumber by such an atrocious violation to the ears?

I will admit that after many years of observation of people and experiences, I have come to realize that you would be hard pressed to conjure an act or thought that could be considered inconceivable. Most of my evaluations are in retrospect. After all, in cases where evaluation and analysis commands significant attention, my first and foremost goal is, as a rule, to remove my physical presence from the immediate area.

In retrospective moments, I surprise myself in that I often find my thoughts second-guessing an event that I have personally witnessed. I attempt to justify the incident by reflecting on my most recent meal, wondering if the alleged experience was nothing more than hallucination due to, as Ebeneezer Scrooge suggested, "a fragment of an underdone potato."

But alas, my conclusions rarely attribute the instance to ill-prepared vegetation.

If you insist on attaching me to a profession, you could describe me as a People-Watcher. You know, the type to settle myself in a random spot in a food court at the mall and take mental note of the seemingly random absurdities exhibited by those whose minds and bodies obviously have conflicting agendas.

Money? I don't really need it. I have provisions to survive as I find sufficient. The source of which you need not be the wiser. Let's just say they vary. I would need another three-hundred plus pages to explain...and possibly convince you of the arrangement. Besides, right now I have a story to tell.

Before I get to that, though, I think you ought to know a little about who I am, and a few of the people with whom I have found it interesting to associate.

I had mentioned that I am a People-Watcher. I am also a Drifter. They mutually complement each other when I find it necessary to seek a new residence. This often happens when my current roommate decides that, for instance, the constant rain in Seattle is intolerable, and the hurricanes of the Gulf of Mexico are a more tolerable environment. I don't mind travel, though. If the destination is acceptable, and it is agreeable, then I will tag along and set up shop anywhere.

When that time comes that requires me to find a new pad, I once again turn to the mall. You might be surprised at how easy it can be to find, simply by eavesdropping, someone looking for a roommate. When I find one, it is in my character to easily make friends. I am usually settling myself in my new home that very afternoon. I guess I've just got that certain type of personality that you just can't not like.

As much as I would love to reminisce of all the people with whom I have formed a friendship, I too would like to get on with the story, so I will tell of only one relationship at this moment. We parted ways little more than two weeks ago. Although the separation was unpleasant, the reasons were not what is termed "irreconcilable differences."

Her name was Sandy, and I don't think there is another human being on this planet who is so absolutely purposely unorganized, and at the same time, so particular about it! There is no precedence to which I can compare her character, so I will explain by example.

Basically, Sandy made an intense effort to avoid any pattern of consistency or common organization in any matter. She always said (well, she didn't really go around saying it aloud all day...you know what I mean) that if you establish a pattern in your life, then you are vulnerable to other people. She didn't like thinking that someone else might know what she was going to do before she knew it herself. To one suffering from OCD, the symptom of insanity would also be added to someone knowing her.

The anti-routine would start as soon as the day woke her. She was retired, so no alarm was ever involved. She would open her eyes to the analog clock on her nightstand. Then she would glance at the notepad lying beside it where she had noted the time, to the minute, at which she had awakened the previous morning. If the times matched, she would lie there for a few more minutes (sometimes dropping off for a few more hours, depending on the intensity of her activities the night before) before rising.

When Sandy did finally accomplish vertical orientation, she would take the piece of paper with the outdated time note, crumple it up and throw it away...but never in the same waste can as the note from the morning before.

Aside from daily non-routines, her house was just as much a fiasco as you might ever see. Not messy, you understand, but impossible to understand. If ever it were the scene of a crime, I'm sure the profiler would head for the hills.

Sandy loved books of all sorts. She hadn't read them all, but none of them were irrelevant to some topic of which she held an interest. She didn't buy a book, you know, "just to have." Her library was lined with wall-to-wall bookshelves. Even the door played a double agent as a holder of tomes. It was not this massive collection that set Sandy apart from every other living soul, it was the way these books were organized...they weren't.

This may appear a simple concept, but it was more than your everyday lack of organization. This was purposeful disarrangement.

On any given shelf, no run of books could be found that were alphabetically arranged. The encyclopedias were not consecutive, forward or back, nor did any volume sit right next to another. Even the number of books between each volume of a set were varied. No two books touched covers if they were the same height or contained the same number of pages. As for covers and dust jackets, if two adjacent books were of similar color, they had to be separated. No two books by the same author or publisher shared the same section of shelf.

When Sandy acquired an addition to her collection, she scrutinized each potential position to find a place for it that would not yield to any pattern. Sandy was very adept at this behavior. To an outsider, it would seem that this kind of scrutiny would take more time and thought than one lifetime, and one brain, would ever allow. But to Sandy, it had been a way of life since childhood. Telling Sandy that something would be too much of a bothersome chore would be like telling Stephen Hawking that using a computer would be impossible. If Sandy was told she would not be capable of doing something, a new journey was begun to do just that. And she usually proved the offending party wrong...Boy, do I miss her.

My incumbent roommate comes from another dimension. His name is Mark, and I will admit that he is not the sort of person with whom I would normally choose to associate. In fact, you could say I was swindled into the relationship.

My relationship with Sandy had just ended, an abrupt incident that proved awkward for both of us. I was feeling depressed, regardless of the high flying sunshine and mid-spring cleanliness of the air that just called out for the birds to contribute their songs. As I sauntered along the wide sidewalk through the middle of town, I considered pausing in one of the plastic white chairs set up in front of the one café in the entire town that boasted of nostalgia.

This was a town confused of its own identity. It was founded in 1884, and the local library had photos of the one brick road that ushered carriages through on their journey out to better places. The brown-toned pictures showed the storybook hardware store on one side and the drug store/soda shop on the other.

Lacking a formal education, I offer you this lesson, not from hours hovering over history books, but from tagging behind the visitor tours through the two room museum above the hardware store turned short-term loan business down on the corner.

That drug store in the picture was the same building where I was now engaging in a pausing moment on this sunny day. Only it no longer sells drugs or soda, nor does it employ school kids in paper hats and stars in their eyes. Now, you got a pressed turkey sandwich on wheat bread (everybody's health conscious nowadays) with a cup of coffee, and you carried it on your own plastic tray if you wanted to enjoy the sunshine. Personally, save for inclement weather, I don't know why you would stay inside, anyway. I cannot enjoy a meal with the constant beeping of registers and electronic voices blaring orders to another person standing not more than three feet away. It offends my ears and my digestion.

I mentioned that this town was confused. One glance down the street will tell you the story. A sidewalk café does not belong alongside a bank with a revolving door and a luxury car dealership...with a glassed-in showroom! It is a town of a new millennium, but with scraps of nostalgia that no one has bothered to sweep away.

I wasn't hungry on this particularly lovely afternoon, so I decided to simply settle there into one of the unoccupied plastic chairs outside of the café. I thought maybe closing my eyes and just listening to everyone bustling about around me would soothe my depression.

It worked for about two minutes. I was then startled from my meditation by a couple of college boys who decided this was the best table for a nice boisterous chat. They sat down, apparently taking no notice of my presence, and spouted constant babble that scattered on like a celebrity glamour star selling perfume on one of those home shopping television channels.

I was about to excuse myself (actually, I was just going to leave quietly...they wouldn't have noticed the difference), when I was discovered in a moment of breath-catching pause in conversation. One of the boys greeted me and began talking as though I had been an active participant all along. The exchange was one-sided, however. He talked to me so incessantly that any attempt of response would have been useless, so I let him rant.

My tolerance of the noise was not wasted, so I soon realized. By the end of his constant outflow of monologue, I had learned that the boy was looking for a replacement roommate, and I was an optimal candidate (I guessed he might have said that to anyone who would accept the position). Regardless of my sudden yearning for a case of earwax buildup, I kindly accepted the offer. By nightfall, I was cozied up in my new home, a tiny dormitory with one bedroom, a bathroom, and a small living room that served triple duty as second bedroom and kitchen. Cramped, but warm, I fell asleep with my feelings of depression left far behind at the table at the café.

The next morning, Harvey...that was his name (still is, as far as I know)...informed me that our acquaintance was to be temporary. He said I was not to worry, though. I didn't have to leave. He was turning the place over to a friend with whom, so he said, I would get along "like salt and pepper."

Enter Harvey's friend, Mark.

And as it turned out, it was more like oil and water.

My first encounter with Mark was not unpleasant. He seemed like a cordial enough fellow. But he had obviously learned of the mind-capturing advantages of a good first impression, no matter how deceiving. And that first impression was not to continue.

I learned that Mark, like Sandy, did not utilize an alarm clock. A blessing for Sandy, this factor proved to be a curse thrown upon me that was not one from which I could escape if I wished a roof over my head.

Which brings us to where we were...

"Zwangggggg!"

"Zwang zwang zwang zwanggggggggggggg!"

Mark played the guitar. Being a rather young man, and keeping appearances at the foremost of importance, the model he chose to strum was of the electric persuasion. I, on the other hand, would have preferred the softer, more pleasing sound of the acoustic.

But then again, these are the types of perils I must endure in my condition. As a consolation, and perhaps a bit of payback, I must simply go out to the fence around the dumpster and do some caterwauling.

Oh, didn't it mention, I'm a cat. Nice to have met you. My name is Bryan!

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